" we all strive for the perfection we can never have "
that quote is a good one for me, for right now at least.
if you find me an enigma, the quote should tell you a lot more about me than what it already does.
its what i want.
but sadly its what i'll never have. spare me those thoughts of "you already are perfect." or the famous one with my family, "you dont need to lose weight you're skinny, and you're so pretty."
im NOT skinny, im NOT pretty. im NOT beautiful, im NOT PERFECT.
"oh but nobody is perfect."
YES, some people are, and i hope they die. i hope they die in such a painful way.
see, some people are fourtunate because they are born skinny,and confident.
another thing i wasnt blessed with. i keep thinking back to when i was in sunday school, how they always said not to envy people, and then they listed every sin like that.
its funny, i think like sins. i want sins, I am sins.
i want it, i want it so bad but i can never get it can i? No, i cant have the boy i love, i couldnt have the girl i loved, i cant be skinny, i cant be smart, i cant be flawless, i cant be liked, i cant be loved, i cant have anyone to love, i cant have confidence, i cant have smartness, i cant have a best friend, i cant be where i want, i cant trust anyone, i cant trust myself, i cant have the power to do stuff, i cant stop thinking, i cant stop regretting, i cant stop greifing, i cant stop worrying, i cant stop feeling numb, i cant stop hating, i cant stop envying, i cant stop eating, i cant stop wanting to hurt, i cant stop myself from hurting, i cant be perfect, i cant be flawless.
i want to, i want to so badly...but..
everything i wanted to write has not come out, i cant find the words i truely want to say. some things have not been said, so dont say you know what i'm going through.
dont say those stupid things.
dont say anything.